My first Craigslist.com experience began when I was moving to San Clemente, CA for the summer for an internship. My friends that I would be living with were 24 or older. I was 21 and continued - continue - to look like I'm going into my senior year of high school. The easiest solution to hanging with some people my age was to use my Craig's List, I figured he had all the match.com stuff dialed without the technical details and red tape. Boy was I wrong. A simple "ad" explained what I was doing there and that I wanted to hang out with some people that skated and maybe even a girl. Not too much to ask for. I first received a response asking me to masturbate in front of a camera at random, probably death trap, studio somewhere on the Pacific Coast. Or even worse, along the Inland Empire, no one would ever find me in that desert of Hellish Earth. Here I encountered my first road block to friendship known as Spam. I wished it was that kind. Several Spam attacks later, I had an e-mail from a man offering to perform falacio on me. Non-reciprocal falacio, disgusting any way you spin in it. If only I was this naive. Well, I called it quits upon that request and gave up hope.
Boston, MA 2009. Friends are great company, but not cuddlers. Instead, I strived for success on the net. Fail. I conversed with two women via e-mail that both appeared normal. One had an excellent palate for music with ample book interests as well. She was kind, but forceful. Wanted to meet immediately and also get tickets to a Regina Spektor show that was not for another three months, and was quite larger than me in size. Delete! Victim two, she was the opposite in visuals and in musical comprehension. Tool, Shovelhead, Soggy Slipper, or whatever those wretched bands are were her "Favs." American Eagle also employed her. Denied! I gave up, whole-heartedly.
Instead I began resorting to Craigslist.com as an avenue of atrocities. Some hilarious, other quite depressing. Refining my comic criteria to; age 18-25, 30+ if need be, and pic for sure. These became tools for success. Each week for an entire month I found a girl that was the hostess where I worked there with a post. It made me feel bad, not for her, but for the fact that I knew what she wanted and saw her confession for love. Maybe I felt guilty. I'm not sure, but I knew it was strange. I also found a young man I went to high school with, because as is to be seen in the pictures below, I outsourced from Boston to the United States of America. It had been quite rainy for the majority of the summer, which made me dormant during the evenings. In turn, a great time for mindless self indulgence. Tracking down Spam across state lines became habitual. The same girl showed up in NYC, DC, and San Diego all within a few days of each posting. She was not the only one. While the obsession of entertainment has come to a slow, it's not stagnant. Here are a few good ones I found between yesterday and today. Enjoy
Likes: The sound of babies crying, bad boys, and eating cat food.
Dislikes: Daylight, wimps, and LOWERCASE LETTERS.
Likes: Her self, "integrity, honest, and loyalty above all else," and being somewhat intellectual.
Dislikes: Multiple baby mamma drama, single baby mamma drama is cool though, correct grammar, and Warlocks.
Likes: Unintentional irony, lying, and bead-board paneling.
Dislikes: Games, cognitive husbands, and good posture.
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